Because apparently “Just Don’t Screw It Up” wasn’t specific enough.

1. Stage Setup

We’re a rock band, not a circus—though honestly, you’ll be questioning that halfway through the set.

  • Drums: Must be on a riser. Jonah likes to feel superior.
  • Monitors: Shure PSM 1000 in-ear system. If we hear one peep of 60-cycle hum, someone’s getting snarled at.
  • Lighting: Mark will glare at you if the fixtures aren’t VariLite VL2600s. You won’t survive it. Just trust us.
  • Fog Machines: If you think “just a little haze” is enough, you clearly haven’t met Mark. Crank it till the front row disappears.

2. Audio Requirements

Yes, we have a werewolf for a sound tech. No, he doesn’t bite—unless you give him a mono FOH console and say, “It’s fine, no one notices live sound.” Then… run.

  • 48-channel digital console, minimum. Anything less and Thane will rebuild your setup mid-show, and you’ll cry.
  • Wireless packs for guitars and bass (Shure preferred). Cables are for peasants.
  • Gabriel’s bass signal is sacred. Do not touch the EQ. Do not touch the compressor. Honestly, don’t even look at it.

3. Backline

We bring our own gear because we’ve been burned before. No, we’re not telling you that story. Unless you have tequila.

4. Hospitality (a.k.a. The Survival Kit)

You want a good show? Feed the wolves. Literally. And don’t skimp.

GREEN ROOM DEMANDS:

  • Fireball Whisky (2 bottles) – If we don’t see cinnamon death juice, the show may be cancelled.
  • Vodka (Platinum 7X) – Because Gabriel believes subtlety is for jazz bands.
  • Diet Mountain Dew (12-pack) – Thane’s fuel. Remove the labels if you’re scared of neon green.
  • Coffee (actual coffee, not brown sadness water) – Gabriel will smell it. He will know.
  • Soda & Water (lots) – Mark’s entire personality runs on carbonated beverages and quiet judgment.
  • Protein-heavy snacks – Jerky, nuts, chicken bites. We’re wolves, not rabbits.
  • NO HUMMUS. If there’s hummus, we riot.

5. Dressing Room

  • Room must be climate controlled. If we break into a sweat before the first breakdown hits, someone’s getting their laminate revoked.
  • Mirrors are mandatory. Not for vanity—just so we can practice our “accidental” smolder looks for the meet-and-greet.
  • Lighting must be flattering. If the room makes us look like washed-out cryptids, we’ll be forced to light it ourselves. And Mark doesn’t share gels.
  • Couches required. Not the crusty ones from 1997. Real ones. Preferably stain-free and not haunted.
  • Snacks and drinks must already be there. We don’t do “someone’s grabbing them now.” We are not scavengers. (Well, not anymore.)
  • Absolutely no scented sprays labeled “Ocean Breeze,” “Citrus Zest,” or “Relaxing Linen.” This is a werewolf den, not your aunt’s guest bathroom.
  • If any venue staff try to “hang out” or “vibe with the band,” please explain—politely—that we are emotionally unavailable before shows and emotionally chaotic afterward.
  • If someone tries to turn on overhead fluorescents, Thane is legally allowed to growl at them.

6. Security & Chaos Management

  • Expect rabid fans. That’s not hyperbole. Literally rabid. Okay, maybe just emotionally.
  • Gabriel WILL jump into the crowd. You’ve been warned.
  • Do not tackle Thane. He doesn’t need security to handle problems. He is the security. And unlike the others, he doesn’t need backup.
  • If anyone sneaks backstage, offer them merch and politely escort them out. Or sic Emily on them—your choice.

7. Transportation

  • Tour bus requires clearance for double-decker size. Yes, it’s big. No, it does not transform into a robot (we checked).
  • Parking must be somewhere level, safe, and not next to a dumpster that smells like fermented onions. Our drummer has a sensitive nose.
  • Our driver is named Diesel. He is a legend. Treat him like one. If you even think about assigning someone else, you’ll answer to the wolves.
  • If someone named “Cliff” shows up to help park the bus, just send him home. We don’t talk about Cliff. Ever again.

8. Local Press / Meet & Greet

  • Yes, we do meet-and-greets. No, it’s not a petting zoo. Yes, someone will cry (usually a fan… occasionally Jonah).
  • No, we don’t kiss fans. That’s weird. This isn’t prom.
  • Nuzzles are available upon request, but only if you smell nice and haven’t said anything cringey on Twitter.
  • VIPs receive:
    • One solid hug (fur optional)
    • A photo (we’ll even pose like we like you)
    • And a stern warning not to pet the werewolves unless you’re actively trying to lose fingers.
  • Bonus: If you bring snacks for the crew, you may earn a tail wag or an awkward group selfie. If you bring hummus, we reserve the right to blacklist you from every future show.

9. Final Notes (Read These or Prepare for Infamy)

  • If this rider seems excessive, just imagine what happens when you ignore it—and TikTok finds out.
  • If you mess this up, don’t worry—we’ll still play. Loudly. Aggressively. With subtle jabs from the mic and zero mercy from the lighting rig.
  • And yes, we will absolutely talk trash about your venue on the bus. For months. Possibly years. You may become a recurring inside joke.
  • If you nail this rider? We’ll love you forever. We’ll shout you out on stage. Gabriel might even write your name on his arm.
  • Heck, we might write a chaotic power ballad about your loading dock and how it “changed us emotionally.”
  • Choose wisely. The internet remembers everything. So do werewolves.

CONTACTS

Thane
Sound & Systems Lead | Audio Wolf
📧 thane@feraleclipse.com

Mark
Lighting Director | Grumpy Beam Lord
📧 mark@feraleclipse.com

Gabriel
Bass Guitarist | Minister of Mayhem
📧 gabriel@feraleclipse.com