Somewhere in western Kansas, the Feral Eclipse tour bus trundled along a two-lane highway surrounded by absolutely nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cornfields stretched out in every direction like green ocean waves. There were no towns for fifty miles, no fans in sight, and no concerts for two days. Even the GPS seemed vaguely annoyed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Inside the bus, the pack was dangerously close to unraveling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jonah had spent the past half hour trying to convince Rico that ranch dressing was a \u201cuniversal sauce.\u201d Maya was threatening to throw his drumsticks out the skylight. Mark was pretending to sleep in the back bunk. Emily was editing quietly at the table, wearing noise-canceling headphones and the expression of someone who knew the wolves were about to do something profoundly stupid.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n She wasn\u2019t wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gabriel burst out of the bathroom with his phone held high, tail twitching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGUYS.<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thane, halfway through writing a setlist, didn\u2019t even look up. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou don\u2019t even know what I was going to say!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s you, Gabriel. We know exactly<\/em> what you were going to say.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gabriel ignored the slander and spun dramatically in the aisle. \u201cWe are thirty minutes from the world\u2019s largest<\/em> ball of barbed wire.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thane blinked. \u201c…What?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s real!\u201d Gabriel held up his phone triumphantly. \u201cThey call it The Devil\u2019s Hairball.<\/em> We have to see it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, we don\u2019t,\u201d Mark muttered from his bunk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m not letting you get tetanus for content,\u201d Thane warned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut imagine the photos!\u201d Gabriel protested. \u201cEmily standing next to it with her hoodie pulled up like a gremlin. Jonah pretending to floss with it\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m not flossing<\/em> with barbed wire,\u201d Jonah said flatly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe\u2019re going!\u201d Gabriel declared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Diesel, up front at the wheel, just shouted back, \u201cIf it\u2019s within five miles, I\u2019m in.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark let out a long, slow exhale. \u201cWe\u2019re gonna die.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fifteen minutes later, the bus pulled off onto a dirt road, guided only by Gabriel\u2019s GPS and unshakable enthusiasm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There was, in fact, a field. There was, in fact, a sign. And there was definitely<\/em> a tangled, rust-covered, absurdly large mass of barbed wire sitting on a wooden platform, surrounded by exactly one chain-link fence and zero safety regulations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBehold!\u201d Gabriel cried. \u201cThe Devil\u2019s Hairball!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Emily whispered, \u201cI hate that I\u2019m impressed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cassie stood back with her arms crossed. \u201cThis is so profoundly dumb.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTake a picture of me pretending to hug it,\u201d Gabriel said, already climbing the fence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGabriel, no!\u201d Thane growled. \u201cAbsolutely not\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gabriel had one leg over the top when his jeans caught on a loose bolt and he immediately yelped, flailing. Thane rushed forward and hauled him off the fence like an angry bouncer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou are not<\/em> going on stage in Amarillo with tetanus and one functioning pant leg.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut it\u2019s metal!\u201d Gabriel whined.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo is a rabid badger,<\/em>\u201d Mark snapped. \u201cDoesn\u2019t mean we take selfies with it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the end, Emily took a tasteful shot of the monstrosity from a safe distance. Jonah posed next to the sign pretending to look serious, and Gabriel got one group selfie where he tried to lick the fence and was smacked upside the head by Maya mid-click.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Back on the road, Gabriel was bandaged, pouting, and wearing one of Rico\u2019s spare belts to keep his torn jeans from committing to a full wardrobe failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thane collapsed into the booth with a groan. \u201cI cannot believe we stopped for that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gabriel grinned from across the aisle, one arm slung over the back of the seat, tail wagging. \u201cWorth it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark grunted. \u201cYou\u2019re lucky you\u2019re adorable.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI know.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The bus rumbled on, trailing dust behind it\u2014and somewhere in the fields they left behind, a confused local was definitely wondering why a rock band\u2019s tour bus had just made a pilgrimage to what looked like an agricultural safety hazard.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Somewhere in western Kansas, the Feral Eclipse tour bus trundled along a two-lane highway surrounded by absolutely nothing. Cornfields stretched out in every direction like green ocean waves. There were no towns for fifty miles, no fans in sight, and no concerts for two days. Even the GPS seemed vaguely annoyed. Inside the bus, the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2000","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2000","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2000"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2000\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2955,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2000\/revisions\/2955"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2000"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2000"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2000"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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