{"id":211,"date":"2023-05-02T01:00:07","date_gmt":"2023-05-02T06:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/?p=211"},"modified":"2024-02-10T10:23:15","modified_gmt":"2024-02-10T16:23:15","slug":"the-great-tour-van-prank-war","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/the-great-tour-van-prank-war\/","title":{"rendered":"The Great Tour Van Prank War"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Somewhere in Arizona, 2:00 PM. Desert heat outside. Air conditioning and vendettas inside.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It started innocently enough. A harmless joke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel had swapped Maya\u2019s guitar picks with ones that glowed in the dark and had tiny cartoon wolves on them. He\u2019d even labeled the bag \u201cFOR THE ALPHA BITCH.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maya found them right before rehearsal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCute,\u201d she said, flatly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel just grinned from his seat, sipping coffee from a cup that said Bass Players Do It Deeper<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next morning, Gabriel opened his gear case and found his entire bass string set swapped out for pink nylon ukulele strings. There was a glittery sticker on the lid: \u201cREVENGE SERVED HOT, LIKE MY ATTITUDE.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark smirked quietly from the back row, watching it unfold like a slow-motion car crash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane, who was trying to reroute a shorted cable in the lighting rack, didn\u2019t even look up. \u201cWhatever this is\u2014don\u2019t involve me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By Day 3, it had escalated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel hid a Bluetooth speaker under Maya\u2019s seat and played fart noises during every bump in the road. Maya filled Gabriel\u2019s shampoo bottle with green hair dye that turned his mane into a mossy nightmare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re gonna rue<\/em> this day,\u201d he hissed, towel-wrapped, lime-green and furious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh no,\u201d Maya replied, deadpan. \u201cIs the emo wolf gonna write poetry about it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rico and Jonah had started keeping score with dry-erase markers on the fridge door:
Maya \u2013 4 | Gabriel \u2013 3 (minus 1 for green hair)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane, having had enough, declared the back two rows of the van a Neutral Zone<\/em>. Any war fought beyond that line would be met with growls and actual<\/em> werewolf retribution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naturally, Gabriel mounted a stuffed raccoon head on the boundary with a sign that read: \u201cNO GODS, NO LAWS, NO THANE.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark kicked it clean out the van door at a gas station.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But then\u2014then came the nuke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel waited until Maya was napping and replaced her phone\u2019s keyboard autocorrect. Every time she typed \u201cguitar,\u201d it changed to \u201cbutt flute.\u201d \u201cStage\u201d became \u201cpuppy zone.\u201d \u201cFeral Eclipse\u201d turned into \u201cFluffy Glitter Wolves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The group text was unreadable for hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGonna shred the butt flute at the puppy zone tonight!! LET\u2019S GO FLUFFY GLITTER WOLVES!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even Thane had to pause and laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Maya\u2026 she bided her time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That night, as Gabriel was climbing into his bunk, the entire thing<\/em> collapsed\u2014bolts loosened, screws missing, held up by zip ties and vengeance. He hit the floor with a thud and a yelp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone turned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maya leaned against the bathroom door, arms crossed. \u201cCall me \u2018alpha bitch\u2019 again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel groaned from the floor, rubbing his ribs. \u201c\u2026Respect.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The scoreboard on the fridge now read:
Maya \u2013 6 | Gabriel \u2013 2 (bonus point for creativity deducted for medical risk)<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Somewhere in Arizona, 2:00 PM. Desert heat outside. Air conditioning and vendettas inside. It started innocently enough. A harmless joke. Gabriel had swapped Maya\u2019s guitar picks with ones that glowed in the dark and had tiny cartoon wolves on them. He\u2019d even labeled the bag \u201cFOR THE ALPHA BITCH.\u201d Maya found them right before rehearsal. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-211","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/211","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=211"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/211\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3289,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/211\/revisions\/3289"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=211"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=211"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=211"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}