{"id":220,"date":"2023-05-06T01:00:06","date_gmt":"2023-05-06T06:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/?p=220"},"modified":"2024-02-10T10:23:15","modified_gmt":"2024-02-10T16:23:15","slug":"this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things\/","title":{"rendered":"This Is Why We Can\u2019t Have Nice Things"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Location: Hotel Lobby, 9:42 a.m. The Morning After The Chaos.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane stood at the front desk of the hotel, deadpan and growling under his breath, arms crossed over a Feral Eclipse hoodie that still faintly reeked<\/em> of smoky beef jerky and artificial lavender.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The front desk clerk, poor soul, was trying very hard not to comment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Behind Thane, chaos unfolded in layers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel strutted through the lobby like a caffeinated rockstar fresh out of a glitter tornado\u2014smiling, waving at confused guests, sipping a to-go cup of god-knows-what with two<\/em> tiny lavender fog machine scent cartridges stuck in his jacket pocket like trophies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark stood near the elevator, arms folded, brow twitching violently as he stared at the drum throne that Jonah<\/strong> carried under one arm, which now let out a loud, wet fart every time it was slightly touched.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI WOKE UP TO HOWLING UNDER MY PILLOW!<\/em>\u201d Jonah barked. \u201cAnd my hair<\/em> smells like smoked brisket and grandma\u2019s bath salts!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYogic barbecue,\u201d Gabriel said smoothly, sipping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rico passed by, muttering, \u201cI can\u2019t sit down anymore. I have PTSD. From a chair.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane turned slowly, ice-blue eyes locked on Gabriel, Jonah, and Maya\u2014who had the audacity<\/em> to walk in last with an innocent smile and sunglasses on indoors like nothing had happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m only going to say this once,\u201d Thane growled, loud enough that even nearby guests turned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cI find one more prank, one more scent bomb, one more sound byte…
\u2026I swear on the ancestors<\/em>, I will reassign all of you to overnight merch duty in rural Kansas.<\/em> In February.<\/em>
And if you think<\/em> I won\u2019t, try me.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even Gabriel looked sheepish\u2026ish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark gave a satisfied grunt of approval.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then\u2014BZZZZZT<\/em>. A small, fuzzy howl burst from inside Thane\u2019s hoodie pocket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone froze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel paled. \u201cThat was supposed<\/em> to be Jonah\u2019s!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane closed his eyes. Took a deep breath. And growled, \u201cMerch duty. All. Of. You.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Location: Hotel Lobby, 9:42 a.m. The Morning After The Chaos. Thane stood at the front desk of the hotel, deadpan and growling under his breath, arms crossed over a Feral Eclipse hoodie that still faintly reeked of smoky beef jerky and artificial lavender. The front desk clerk, poor soul, was trying very hard not to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-220","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/220","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=220"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/220\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3285,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/220\/revisions\/3285"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=220"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=220"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=220"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}