{"id":263,"date":"2023-05-20T01:00:10","date_gmt":"2023-05-20T06:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/?p=263"},"modified":"2024-02-10T10:23:15","modified_gmt":"2024-02-10T16:23:15","slug":"nothing-screams-rock-like-a-retirement-center-next-door","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/nothing-screams-rock-like-a-retirement-center-next-door\/","title":{"rendered":"Nothing Screams Rock Like\u2026 a Retirement Center Next Door"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The next venue was a converted theater in a small town that proudly declared itself \u201cThe Gateway to Somewhere Slightly More Interesting.\u201d<\/em> Gabriel parked the van behind the building and immediately got a bad feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loading dock ramp was cracked and slanted like a skate park for reckless grandmothers. The side door had a handwritten sign that read:
\u201cPLEASE KNOCK. DO NOT ANGER MARGE.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark stared at the door. \u201cIs\u2026 Marge the building manager or some sort of eldritch being?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maya stepped out of the van, stretching her back with a groan. \u201cIf I get tetanus from this gig, I\u2019m invoicing someone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel, meanwhile, had spotted a small, metal sign bolted to the fence. It read:
\u201cSilent After 9 PM \u2013 Retirement Community Next Door. Offenders Will Be Prosecuted.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh no,\u201d Gabriel whispered, eyes widening with glee. \u201cThane\u2026 we\u2019re about to play \u201cBurn the Packlight\u201d<\/em> with 60,000 watts of subwoofers\u2026 next to grandmas.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane slowly turned toward him, coiled audio cable already in one clawed hand. \u201cDo not provoke the elderly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Inside, the venue was an actual gem\u2014an old opera house with updated sound and gorgeous lighting potential. But the moment they plugged in, a venue rep came sprinting down the aisle with arms flailing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNO SOUND TEST YET! The wall shared with the senior yoga center is vibrating!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jonah, who had just started hitting the snare, grinned sheepishly. \u201cOops.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rico\u2014tuning a tom nearby\u2014looked around. \u201cSo\u2026 are we canceling the pyro?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane whipped around. \u201cWe never had pyro, Rico.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRight. Totally theoretical question.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While Thane argued with the venue manager about decibel limits and the precise definition of \u201cminimal bass,\u201d Gabriel disappeared. Ten minutes later, he returned with a new T-shirt that read \u201cI Scared Marge\u201d<\/strong> in bold letters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat did you do?\u201d Thane asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShe yelled at me for existing too loud,\u201d Gabriel replied, sipping coffee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark had climbed into the rafters to hang lights, muttering about OSHA violations and the tragic misuse of truss clamps. Maya was duct-taping a setlist to her pedalboard and laughing every time someone said \u201cMarge.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then\u2026 the door opened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An elderly man in a beige cardigan stepped in, holding a small hearing aid in one hand and a flyer for the show in the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou the loud wolf band?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone froze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, sir,\u201d Thane said cautiously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The man smiled. \u201cMy name\u2019s Fred. I\u2019m ninety-three. Can I get a shirt that says \u2018Feral Grandpa\u2019<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel\u2019s grin went nova. \u201cSir, I will make<\/em> you one right now.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The next venue was a converted theater in a small town that proudly declared itself \u201cThe Gateway to Somewhere Slightly More Interesting.\u201d Gabriel parked the van behind the building and immediately got a bad feeling. The loading dock ramp was cracked and slanted like a skate park for reckless grandmothers. The side door had a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-263","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/263","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=263"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/263\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3271,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/263\/revisions\/3271"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=263"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=263"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=263"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}