{"id":311,"date":"2023-06-08T01:00:16","date_gmt":"2023-06-08T06:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/?p=311"},"modified":"2024-02-10T10:23:15","modified_gmt":"2024-02-10T16:23:15","slug":"snacks-screaming-and-something-that-was-probably-alive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/snacks-screaming-and-something-that-was-probably-alive\/","title":{"rendered":"Snacks, Screaming, and Something That Was Probably Alive"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Somewhere between Red Pines and the next town\u2014wherever the hell that<\/em> was\u2014the van was in full-blown gremlin mode.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jonah had taken over DJ duty from the passenger seat and was abusing<\/em> it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI SWEAR TO GOD,\u201d Maya shouted from the back bench, \u201cIF YOU PLAY THAT ‘TRUCK YEAH’ SONG ONE MORE TIME I\u2019M THROWING YOUR IPOD OUT THE WINDOW.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not even an iPod,\u201d Jonah grinned, cueing it up again from a busted knockoff MP3 player with duct tape holding the battery in. \u201cIt\u2019s a Moozic Rockz<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel, sprawled across two seats with Randy the Possum in his lap like a war trophy, snorted. \u201cLet him live! This is his villain arc.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019M the villain if this keeps up,\u201d Maya grumbled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Up front, Thane had a clawed hand white-knuckling the wheel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI swear, one more plastic bag flies across this road looking like a raccoon ghost, and I\u2019m putting the whole state in park.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cassie was next to him, sipping gas station coffee through a Twizzler straw like it was a lifestyle. \u201cYou know we\u2019re all slowly mutating in this van, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the back cargo section came a thud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026What was that?\u201d Rico asked, slowly turning his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark\u2019s voice came from the very rear, half-buried under guitar cases. \u201cA bag of Funyuns just fell off Jonah\u2019s amp and hit me in the throat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIs it your<\/em> bag of Funyuns?\u201d Cassie asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo. And now I have questions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The van hit a bump. Jonah yelped. \u201cMY MOOD SWINGS CD JUST FLEW OUT THE WINDOW!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGood,\u201d Maya muttered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel reached down into a questionable cooler and fished out something in a crinkled foil wrapper. \u201cGuys\u2026 who brought gas station sushi?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The entire van went silent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane didn\u2019t even turn around. \u201cGabriel. Put it down. Slowly.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel stared at it. \u201c\u2026It\u2019s warm.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOUT. THE. WINDOW.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The van hit another pothole. Cassie spilled her Twizzler-coffee. Jonah accidentally hit play on a ten-hour YouTube loop of screaming goats that he had saved for reasons<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And somewhere in the chaos, Randy the Possum fell over sideways<\/em>, seatbelt and all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark spoke again, voice calm and low: \u201cIf we crash, I want it on my tombstone that this was not my idea.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNoted,\u201d Thane grunted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, the screaming goats stopped. Jonah ran out of cursed playlists. Maya ran out of ways to threaten him without physically leaping across the van. Gabriel fell asleep with a bag of sour worms stuck to his chest, and Cassie began drafting the setlist on a napkin with a broken eyeliner pencil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Peace, as fragile and temporary as ever, returned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then Rico said, \u201cHey, has anyone seen my left boot?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The van erupted again<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Somewhere between Red Pines and the next town\u2014wherever the hell that was\u2014the van was in full-blown gremlin mode. Jonah had taken over DJ duty from the passenger seat and was abusing it. \u201cI SWEAR TO GOD,\u201d Maya shouted from the back bench, \u201cIF YOU PLAY THAT ‘TRUCK YEAH’ SONG ONE MORE TIME I\u2019M THROWING YOUR […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-311","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=311"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3252,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311\/revisions\/3252"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=311"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=311"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=311"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}