The van rolled down a winding country road lined with wooden signs advertising \u201cYe Olde Mead Tastings,\u201d \u201cUnicorn Petting Zoo,\u201d and \u201cMutton on a Stick \u2013 $5.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thane blinked at the GPS, then at the sprawling encampment ahead, where tents and wooden stalls stood like a medieval-themed army preparing to invade the 21st century.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A massive hand-painted banner flapped in the breeze at the entrance: Cassie leaned forward in her seat, brow furrowed. \u201cWait\u2026 wait.<\/em>\u201d Gabriel grinned sheepishly. \u201cIt is<\/em> a festival. With music. And turkey legs!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maya stared at the jousting arena forming in the distance. \u201cTell me we are not about to play a set between a falconry demonstration and a dude named Sir Fartsalot.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jonah opened the van door, looked out, and immediately slammed it shut. Backstage… or what passed for it<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The \u201cgreen room\u201d was a canvas tent with hay bales and a single folding chair. A lute player was in the corner tuning strings with the solemnity of a monk preparing for war.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A Ren Faire coordinator in full armor clanked over. \u201cGreetings, noble minstrels! You shall take the main stage anon\u2014just after the Maypole dance and right before the leechcraft demonstration.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thane rubbed his temples. \u201cWe\u2019re not minstrels. We\u2019re a rock band.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAh,\u201d the knight nodded, \u201cmost excellent! Do ye require… amplification?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thane stared. \u201cWe require electricity.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 30 Minutes Later: Chaos Brews Like Mead in a Barrel<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark had managed to scrounge together enough extension cords to power the sound rig from a nearby joust judge\u2019s Winnebago. The stage itself? A hastily constructed platform of plywood and what might\u2019ve been old ship parts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gabriel tuned his bass next to a man dressed as a bard playing a kazoo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maya glared at her guitar strap, now tangled with a string of medieval bunting. \u201cI\u2019m going to set something on fire.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cassie, now dressed in a borrowed corset she absolutely<\/em> did not request, muttered, \u201cThey asked if I could sing \u2018Greensleeves.\u2019 I\u2019m doing \u2018Razor Vein Carousel\u2019 or I riot.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rico re-strung his guitar while drinking a chalice of something purporting to be \u201cancient cranberry wine.\u201d He squinted at the crowd of families in flower crowns and chainmail. \u201cThis is going to go terribly.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jonah, currently arguing with a pirate about stage time, shouted, \u201cWE ARE LITERALLY ON THE POSTER.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n High Noon. Feral Eclipse Takes the Stage<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The crowd quieted. Jugglers paused mid-throw. A guy on stilts stopped walking and nearly face-planted into the straw.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then\u2014Gabriel hit the first note. A deep, distorted bass line that shook the mead out of several flagons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maya came in like a thunderstorm. Rico followed with a solo that cleaved the air like an axe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cassie growled the first lyric with such intensity a flock of doves behind the Maypole fled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Ren Faire attendees were stunned. Half of them had no idea what was happening. The other half were rocking the hell out.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n A group of teens in chainmail started moshing with a guy dressed as a druid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Someone screamed, \u201cIS THIS THE NEW LUTEWAVE?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n One enthusiastic bard threw his recorder into the air and started headbanging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A knight yelled, \u201cM\u2019LADY, I HAVE SEEN THE GODS, AND THEY SHRED.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Aftermath \u2013 The Stocks<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The band was politely asked to leave after Jonah shattered a wooden ale barrel during a particularly aggressive drum solo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thane, still trying to roll up power cables, muttered, \u201cI don\u2019t even know what happened. Did I just mix sound for a goblin pit fight?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gabriel, now wearing a flower crown and dual-wielding turkey legs, beamed. \u201cWe made like forty new fans. I signed a baby.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cassie: \u201cI sang<\/em> about blood in front of a blacksmith. Who clapped.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maya: \u201cI crowd-surfed on a wooden cart full of carrots.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark, deadpan: \u201cNever again.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The van rolled down a winding country road lined with wooden signs advertising \u201cYe Olde Mead Tastings,\u201d \u201cUnicorn Petting Zoo,\u201d and \u201cMutton on a Stick \u2013 $5.\u201d Thane blinked at the GPS, then at the sprawling encampment ahead, where tents and wooden stalls stood like a medieval-themed army preparing to invade the 21st century. A […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=362"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3240,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362\/revisions\/3240"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\u201cOakenridge Renaissance Revelry \u2013 Featuring: Feral Eclipse (Saturday Only!)\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
She turned to Gabriel. \u201cYou told me this was a music festival.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNope. I saw a wizard. A real one. Not doing this sober.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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