{"id":364,"date":"2023-06-21T01:00:50","date_gmt":"2023-06-21T06:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/?p=364"},"modified":"2024-02-10T10:23:14","modified_gmt":"2024-02-10T16:23:14","slug":"how-to-trap-a-werewolf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/how-to-trap-a-werewolf\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Trap a Werewolf"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\ud83c\udfa7 From the \u201cCryptid Killers & Creatures Weekly\u201d Podcast Studio<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They knew something was off the moment they walked into the basement \u201cstudio.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There were two<\/em> lava lamps.
A dozen Funko Pops of obscure monster movies.
And a mounted jackalope head wearing a trucker hat that read: \u201cSILVER OR BUST.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The host\u2014who went by the moniker \u201cRanger Rick\u201d<\/strong>\u2014stood proudly behind a folding table with two mismatched microphones, a beat-up laptop, and a bucket of beef jerky labeled \u201cEmergency Rations.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFeral Eclipse!\u201d he declared, wearing a camo vest over a Bigfoot T-shirt, \u201cThank y\u2019all for comin\u2019. Now, which one of y\u2019all is the actual werewolf?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone turned to Gabriel.
Who was currently sipping a triple espresso and had already stolen one of the Funko Pops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane raised a clawed finger. \u201cAll right, let\u2019s get this straight \u2014 Gabriel is the only werewolf \u00a0\u2014\u00a0in the band<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: clears throat<\/em>
Thane: \u201cIn the \u2014\u00a0musical<\/em>\u00a0\u2014\u00a0part of the band.\u201d
Mark: grunts approvingly<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Five Minutes In: The Downward Spiral<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ranger Rick: \u201cSo, Gabriel \u2014 have you ever killed a man with your teeth?\u201d
Gabriel (cheerful): \u201cNot yet!\u201d
Thane: audible facepalm<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rick leaned forward with a conspiratorial grin. \u201cDo y\u2019all use music as a way to lure prey? Like sirens?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cassie, sipping iced tea from a paper cup: \u201cIf you mean screaming lyrics about existential pain and claw marks, then… yeah, sure.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maya: \u201cWe mostly lure people into circle pits.\u201d
Jonah: \u201cAnd sometimes Taco Bell.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rick flipped through a notepad filled with hand-drawn diagrams labeled \u201cFull Moon Rage Timetable\u201d and \u201cFeral Drool Ratios.\u201d
He tapped the table. \u201cDo y\u2019all find silver affects sound quality?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane stood up. \u201cWe\u2019re leaving.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rick panicked. \u201cNo no no! Wait! We haven\u2019t gotten to the listener Q&A!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Q&A Section: A Disaster Wrapped in a Mic Pop Filter<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caller 1:<\/strong> \u201cCan you ask the werewolf if he sheds in the van?\u201d
Gabriel: \u201cAbsolutely. Especially after espresso.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caller 2:<\/strong> \u201cDo the others ever feel unsafe around him?\u201d
Cassie: \u201cOnly when he tries to DJ at 3 a.m.\u201d
Gabriel: \u201cYou loved the Eurobeat, admit it!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caller 3:<\/strong> \u201cIf I throw beef jerky into a clearing during a full moon, will a werewolf appear?\u201d
Mark (growling): \u201cOnly if he\u2019s hungry and your playlist doesn\u2019t suck.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caller 4:<\/strong> \u201cCan I join your pack?\u201d
Thane: \u201c…Do you know how to coil cables without tangling them?\u201d
Caller: \u201cNo?\u201d
Thane: \u201cThen no.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Exit, Stage Weird<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the band packed up, Ranger Rick handed each of them a \u201cCryptid Killers\u201d bumper sticker and a vial of something he swore was \u201canti-lycan essence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel sniffed it. \u201cThis is Mountain Dew.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rick: \u201cAnd holy water.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane muttered something about a restraining order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As they piled back into the van, Cassie looked back at the basement stairs. \u201cWas this the weirdest one yet?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maya shrugged. \u201cStill ranks below the birthday party gig.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jonah held up the beef jerky. \u201cBut hey. Free snacks.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\ud83c\udfa7 From the \u201cCryptid Killers & Creatures Weekly\u201d Podcast Studio They knew something was off the moment they walked into the basement \u201cstudio.\u201d There were two lava lamps.A dozen Funko Pops of obscure monster movies.And a mounted jackalope head wearing a trucker hat that read: \u201cSILVER OR BUST.\u201d The host\u2014who went by the moniker \u201cRanger […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-364","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/364","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=364"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/364\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2934,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/364\/revisions\/2934"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}