{"id":580,"date":"2023-10-23T01:00:25","date_gmt":"2023-10-23T07:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/?p=580"},"modified":"2024-02-10T10:23:01","modified_gmt":"2024-02-10T16:23:01","slug":"the-goat-that-skanked-through-a-tornado","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/the-goat-that-skanked-through-a-tornado\/","title":{"rendered":"The Goat That Skanked Through a Tornado"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

(As told by Diesel, with wildly questionable accuracy.<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a late night on the road somewhere between Wichita and nowhere, and the bus was quiet\u2014too quiet. Gabriel was passed out in a pile of blankets with a coffee cup still in his hand. Rico and Jonah were mid-chess match using bottle caps and guitar picks. Cassie was journaling by the soft glow of her bunk light, and Thane sat at the back monitoring levels through a tablet, one ear always tuned for feedback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then Diesel\u2019s gravelly voice echoed from the front lounge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou ever outrun a tornado with a ska band and a drunk goat on board?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dead silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark poked his head out of his bunk. \u201c…What.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel sat up slowly. \u201cOkay, wait. Back up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Diesel leaned back in his seat, took a slow sip of coffee, and stared into the middle distance like a man who had seen things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c1997. Nebraska Panhandle. I\u2019m driving this mid-tier ska band\u2014real energetic types, always wore matching vests, had a brass section that could knock your teeth out from fifty yards. Band name was Third Degree Skank<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jonah immediately lost it laughing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Diesel continued, unfazed. \u201cWe played a county fair gig outside Scottsbluff. It was one of those \u2018pay in corndogs and exposure\u2019 deals. They crushed it\u2014blew the bluegrass band off the stage. We were just about to leave when one of the trumpet players shows up holding a goat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cassie blinked. \u201c…Like, a real<\/em> goat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYep. Real goat. Horns. Bell. Name was Jimmy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho names a goat Jimmy?\u201d Mark muttered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis guy. Anyway \u2014 turns out Jimmy was the unofficial fair mascot. Somehow got into the beer tent, drank half a keg of warm Miller Lite, and then refused to leave the brass section. Followed \u2018em right into the bus. I tried to kick him out, he headbutted the amp rack and made himself a nest in a pile of gig towels.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel clutched his stomach, already wheezing. \u201cHe drank beer<\/em> and joined the band?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Diesel nodded solemnly. \u201cWouldn\u2019t let the trombone player out of his sight. Started headbanging to the offbeats like he was born in a Jamaican basement. But then\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He paused. \u201cStorm rolls in. No warning. Sirens start blaring. I look at the radar\u2014it\u2019s spinning like a blender full of angry bees. Tornado drops right behind us as we\u2019re pulling out. So here I am: hauling a barely-tuned RV full of brass instruments, a half-sober ska band, and a completely blitzed goat, doing ninety-five down a gravel highway with cows flying past the windows.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNO WAY,\u201d Jonah shouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI yell at everyone to stay down, and what do they do? They start jamming.<\/em> Jimmy starts headbutting the wall in time. Trumpets blaring, drums slamming. It\u2019s the most off-the-wall ska set I\u2019ve ever heard, and it\u2019s happening inside the bus while I\u2019m dodging barn debris and praying to every deity known to man.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cassie was crying with laughter. \u201cWhat happened to the goat?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPulled over an hour later. Tornado missed us by maybe half a mile. Band wrote a song about it called Jimmy the Ska Goat.<\/em> Minor underground hit. Jimmy retired a hero and now lives on a llama farm in Oregon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel was howling. \u201cWE NEED TO COVER THAT SONG.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark mumbled, \u201cI don\u2019t believe a word of this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Diesel just sipped his coffee, deadpan. \u201cBelieve what you want. But I still got goat hair in the ventilation system of that rig.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane, from his console, didn\u2019t even look up. \u201cAdd that one to the tour scrapbook.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(As told by Diesel, with wildly questionable accuracy.) It was a late night on the road somewhere between Wichita and nowhere, and the bus was quiet\u2014too quiet. Gabriel was passed out in a pile of blankets with a coffee cup still in his hand. Rico and Jonah were mid-chess match using bottle caps and guitar […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-580","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/580","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=580"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/580\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3155,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/580\/revisions\/3155"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=580"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=580"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=580"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}