{"id":81,"date":"2023-04-02T01:00:13","date_gmt":"2023-04-02T06:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/?p=81"},"modified":"2024-02-10T10:23:15","modified_gmt":"2024-02-10T16:23:15","slug":"detour-of-doom-and-cotton-candy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/detour-of-doom-and-cotton-candy\/","title":{"rendered":"Detour of Doom (And Cotton Candy)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One hour later, somewhere between Amarillo and nowhere useful<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane should\u2019ve known it was coming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The moment Gabriel pressed his muzzle to the van window and let out a howl of pure delight, the possibility of peace vanished into the Texas wind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGUYS\u2014\u2018Gatorland Galaxy: Home of the World\u2019s Largest Taxidermy Reptile Rocket Ride!!<\/em>\u2019\u2014EXIT 247! WE\u2019RE GOING.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thane was halfway through checking rigging supply emails and coasting in a haze of post-diner exhaustion. Mark sat beside him, sunglasses on, arms crossed, looking like a furry, very dead executive en route to the underworld.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe\u2019re what<\/em> now?\u201d Thane asked flatly, not even bothering to hide the dread in his voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gabriel was already unbuckling and leaning between the seats like an overgrown puppy. \u201cThane. Thane.<\/em> The sign has a gator in a space helmet.<\/em> I need this in my soul.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark, still unmoving: \u201cLeave me behind. Tell my story.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it was already too late. Gabriel took the exit like a man on a mission from chaos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Fifteen minutes later\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The three of them stood before the gates of Gatorland Galaxy<\/strong>, a roadside atrocity that hadn\u2019t been updated since 1993 and looked like it had survived a small tornado and a government coverup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The attractions included:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  • A six-foot animatronic alligator in a foil jumpsuit that wheezed \u201cWELCOME TO SPACE!\u201d every few seconds.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Faded posters advertising a live gator feeding<\/em> that turned out to be a sunburned man tossing hot dogs into a kiddie pool.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • A ride called the Rocket Chomp Coaster<\/strong>, clearly made from repurposed barn parts and sketchy ambition.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • And a cotton candy stand that, for some reason, also sold boiled peanuts and used VHS tapes.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    Mark stared up at the rickety \u201cspace rocket\u201d ride, arms crossed, completely deadpan. \u201cThis is how we die. This is my final form: pancaked by a neon gator rocket.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Gabriel, naturally, was already dual-wielding a souvenir gator-head drink cup and two massive bags of neon green cotton candy. \u201cTHIS. IS. AWESOME.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Thane just sighed. \u201cWe\u2019ve got load-in at 4:00.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Gabriel tossed him a gator hat without breaking stride. \u201cWe\u2019ve got memories<\/em> now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Mark tried one of the boiled peanuts, chewed once, stared into the void, and muttered, \u201cI think this is how time breaks.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Eventually, Gabriel talked them both into riding the coaster. Thane sat in the back, holding his rigging bag like an emotional support pack. Mark screamed once. Just once.<\/em> And Thane made a mental note to never let him live it down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n\n\n\n

    Later, at the exit\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The three of them stumbled out of the Galactic Gift Barn<\/em> like shell-shocked survivors, clutching knockoff T-shirts, gator-shaped stickers, and a deep, lingering sense of regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Back in the van, as Gabriel climbed behind the wheel with manic glee and fired up the engine, Mark leaned over to Thane, eyes hollow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI take back every complaint I\u2019ve ever made about load-in days,\u201d he said, voice flat. \u201cI didn\u2019t know true suffering until I met Rocket Gator.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Thane laughed so hard his claws cramped.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    One hour later, somewhere between Amarillo and nowhere useful Thane should\u2019ve known it was coming. The moment Gabriel pressed his muzzle to the van window and let out a howl of pure delight, the possibility of peace vanished into the Texas wind. \u201cGUYS\u2014\u2018Gatorland Galaxy: Home of the World\u2019s Largest Taxidermy Reptile Rocket Ride!!\u2019\u2014EXIT 247! WE\u2019RE […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-81","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tour-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=81"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3318,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81\/revisions\/3318"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=81"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/threewerewolves.com\/tourblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=81"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}